Hold My Heart..
January 16, 2011
Its unbelievable how quickly time passes. I met one of my friends about 6 years ago, when I was 14, and he’s already all grown up, and even getting married this May. I’m so proud of him. Many other kids around me are having their own kids, my sister lives on her own and has been in this relationship for over a year now. My once little brother, is now taller than me and unbelievably smart; I still remember when I’d hide in his closet and imitate his squeamish cries, just to see my mother run up the stairs. Yes, everything around me is changing, evolving very quickly, but I feel like I’m still stuck in the same place. Like I’m not changing, while everything else is. I feel like I’m still a mere helpless child, not knowing where I am or where to go. I’m not in pain, but instead I feel completely blank about both my past and my future. Even my current state is somewhat of a blur. I’m not quite sure where I’m headed. Of course, I have dreams, just like everyone else. I want to be happy. I want to make the world happy. I want everyone to get along. I want to believe in true love, to find that person of my own. I want to get married, the mix of traditional and modern wedding, with everyone I love and more. And finally, I want to have such beautiful children, inside and out, that I could teach them the ways of the world, everything my parents taught me and everything I taught myself, everything I know and believe in, and encourage them to find their hope, their fire, and be a guiding light. I really do.
But for now, I’m stuck. Not falling, nor flying, just stuck. I feel time passing by really quickly, too quick, and I’m wasting it.
I don’t know what to do.
