Remembering ‘09

 

 2009 just ended. Another year gone, but apparently, 2010 will be much better..

  Did everyone get the chance to party hard last night? All those traditional drinkin games and awkward moments, not to forget the overrated ball drop and the massive countdown to the next year.. Everyone is always so excited to get things over with, not even taking time to remember the greatness of the year that just died out. In all honesty, I do believe that 2009 was one of the best years of my short life. So many things going on, new stories, new loves, new experiences, with the same old self.

I have no clue how many shows I saw during that past year. Or how many band members I got the chance to meet. Or the number of times I screwed up, or got yelled at. Or the many times I got stuck at the terminusm waiting for the last bus to come (but that I’ve already missed). I don’t know how many new friends I’ve made, or how many times I got confused. I know for sure though, that I made some pretty sick awesome friends, I had tons of fun, and during the last couple of months of that year, I got closer to, and confirmed a relationship with the greatest guy ever, and I love him with all my heart, and for this, I am entirely glad. It was a great year. A lot happened, and so much that could have did not, and I’m so glad for that too..

I wonder what marked my 2009?

Knock Me Out.

It was the perfect Christmas, except I threw up. Besides that it was great, it was splendid. It was a short Boxing Day, but I was working, and most of the stores were only opened for 4 hours, was it worth it? I guess not. We made less than a quarter of what we usually make. Why open a store for 4 hours, when you know we don’t have any sales going on? What’s the point? Well it’s a great way to waste a day..

On another hand, I bought some new expansions for the Sims 2. I know I seem a little late on this, since there’s already a new one plus an expansion to it out, but for some reason, I’m sticking to this one. I’m not much of a fan of the Sims 3. It doesn’t seem of interest to me. I prefer sticking to the old stuff, the old characters, the old modes, the interesting and creative expansions and the sweet designs all the coders and meshers have come up with. I prefer that. There are way more resources, way more things that are easy to use… I like it better. I tried the new one, and lasted a maximum of 3 days. I gave up, I was frustrated, and I sealed it in its case, never to be used again.. Oh well.

I can’t Sleep

It’s Christmas morning and I’m glad. It’s actually 2:52 AM as I begin writing this, and I’m so tired, so exhausted, so overwhelmed, but glad, and I can’t wait for the days to come. Every thing is falling back into place. Me and my mother are close again, and my family, well, I adore every single member. My boyfriend is amazing, and I love him to pieces, ’til the end, and after, and I couldn’t care about any other guy that would attempt to catch my eye because I only have eyes for him, he’s my one and only. I’m a happy child again, and I feel special. I feel happy, filled with a joy that nobody could take away or replace, and it feels so good to be alive.

I opened my gifts about (almost) three hours ago. My sister gave me a new pair of converse all stars (yay!!) and they’re soft and beautiful. They’re black and blue, and they’re pretty comfy. My dad gave me a pair of earrings, they’re cute too. My mom got me a huge portfolio to put my art inside… I’m so glad, the bigger they are, the more expensive they get and I’m gonna need one since I’m supposed to hand-in my portfolio in late February. Finally, my little brother got me a makeup kit, which I really needed right now cause I lost mine earlier. I’m glad, and all though gifts are just gifts, the meaning behind it is wonderful. I was hyper the whole night too, showing off my mad presentation skills (or showing off how easily I could creep the crap out of everybody) and we had a laugh. Everybody was smiling, and now, after a long exhausting day, we could all slumber in our dreamland. I’m glad. And I’ll never forget the true meaning of Christmas.

The reason we’re all here today.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

I know it’s not Christmas yet, nor is it the New Year, but I’m bored and I’ve been waiting for midnight to arrive, so here’s to drinking wine and killing time!!
Everything that has been done throughout this year of 2009 is in bold!

1. Dyed your hair an odd color.
2. Went skinny dipping.
3. Bought something you didn’t need.
4. Snuck out of your house.
5. Became obsessed with a song no one knew.
6. Learned a song on your phone with your keypad.
7. Knitted something.
8. Ran a mile.
9. Fell in love.
10. Said, “like yeah” too many times.
11. Lost your closest friends.
12. Got into a fight with someone you loved.
13. Climbed a tree.
14. Did something you said you wouldn’t.
15. Figured out who your real friends were.
16. Graduated High School. (Like 2 years ago?)
17. Shopped online. (for concert tickets)
18. Created a tumblr.
19. Got addicted to tumblr.
20. Realized who you truly are.
21. Sang karaoke.
22. Flew across the world.
23. Performed in front of a large audience.
24. Met someone irl you found online.
25. Found a new band you now love. (a lot actually )
26. Realized that Kanye West essentially sucked.
29. Spoke to a police officer. (yeah and they couldnt tell the difference between me and my sis)
30. Realized everyone is a hypocrite.
31. Panicked over something stupid.
32. Failed a class.
33. Fell out of love. (and fell in love for real again)
34. Played a video game for hours straight.
35. Spent time with your family.
36. Ate dinner alone.
37. Cried in the shower.
38. Gained a new family member.(does my future husband count? :3)
39. Shot off your own fireworks.
40. Made a snowman.
41. Got yelled at for no reason.
42. Waved at people you didn’t know in passing cars.
43. Sat on tumblr all day.
44. Changed your entire look.
45. Had sex.
46. Ran outside naked when it was freezing out.
47. Made your own fire.
48. Laughed at something that made no sense.
49. Fell asleep on the phone.
50. Told someone you loved them. (and meant every fuckin word of it<3)

That’s all? Fuck I want to find some other quiz thingies like this… Hmmm..
I found one where I can’t tell lies.. let’s see.

From now on, you can’t tell lies, are you ready?
Fuck yeah.

Think back eight months ago, were you single?
Yes, I was. Not anymore.

What do you carry with you at all times?
My cellphone.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
Sasha

How are you feeling?
Extremely tired.

Is something wrong right now?
Noo, why?

Are you mad at someone?
Mmm, the bank, but I forgot about that before you asked me.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Fuck yeah, it’s Christmas.

Are you jealous of someone right now?
I have all I ever wanted, why be jealous?

Do you have a piggy bank that’s actually shaped like a pig?
Used to.. then I grew up. And the pig moved into my mother’s room.

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
A slice of turkey.

What are you suppose to be doing right now?
Waiting. Singing karaoke with the family.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yepp, it’s called skills.

Could you handle a long distance relationship?
When I’m at school, I see my boyfriend every fuckin’ day, and it’s still not enough for me. So a big NO.

Could you cry right now?
Out of joy, yes.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
Sometimes.

Are you okay with the life you live?
I’m quite content most of the time maybe.

Did you enjoy your day today?
Yeah, but I’m tired now.

Do you have a Tattoo?
Not yet.

Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
Yepp.

Did your last kiss take place on a bed?
Mmmmm..

What was the last thing you spent money for?
My mother’s Christmas gift.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.

Do you call it fall or autumn?
What the fuck? This is the last question? Both.

That was weird… I want something else!!!! >:(
Mmmm.. I found another random survey that might be worth killing my time.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
Mmmm.. I don’t know.

When’s your birthday?
October 16th

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
Sasha

What were you up to at 9pm last night?
The one above knows.

Do you hold grudges?
Sometimes.

Pick a word that starts with the first letter of your first name?
In the spirit of Christmas.. Nutcracker.

In the past seventy-two hours, have you been under the influence?
Neeeeeep.

Who is your last text from?
Sasha. Then I put away my phone.

Who is your last phone call from?
My mother.

One thing you’re looking forward to?
Funny thing.. school.

Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
Rarely.

Has anyone ever called you sexy?
Yes, apparently.

What color is your camera?
Light blue.

Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
Sadly, yes…

Have you ever lived in Pennsylvania, Arizona, or Hawaii?
Nowhere in the US

Have you ever lived in Quebec, Dubai, or Chihuahua?
CHIHUAHUA IS A STATE?! And I currently live in Quebec. And always have.

Did you even know Chihuahua was a place?
Hahaha, now I know.

By the way, what is your name?
Just call me Nattie.

What time zone do you live in?
Mmm.. -5

Are you currently in a relationship?
Yes, and I’m very happy about it.

How many letters does your name have in it?
8 letters, that, not including my last name.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out?
Depends on the days.

Have you ever had to stay overnight at a hospital?
When I was born.

How old is the youngest person in your household?
He’s 12.

Do you have one of those friends that just have to constantly be in a relationship?

Mmm, luckily, no.

And that’s it. And I’m fuckin sick and bored of these surveys. They could all eat my ass and stuff. Wow I’m vulgar when I’m tired. Buttsickles. It’s 11:34 and it’s almost Christmas. Boy am I excited

Useless.

And a few seconds later, he’s gone.
Without a reply.
Without a word or a reason why.
And she’s staring at the blank screen,
Confused “i love yous” that should have meant a thing
But that aren’t enough to fix her.
And she’s dying.
Wasting tears she’s been crying out
For the past 3 hours
And not stopping
Without fully knowing why but knowing yet again
This one thing
That she’s all alone
With or without him
And anyone else.
She doesn’t know why she breathes
And nobody sees her blacked eyes
The ones swollen by all the years
That have sadly passed her by.
And she doesn’t know
If they’re truth or lies
But she’ll choose the lies
Cause its what she knows best
And despite her usual smile
The one she puts on
Tonight she no longer exists

Oh, save me..

And if we had a choice..

I want to be loved. I want to be loved by anyone or anything, as long as they make me believe it is real and it will last, until it tears me apart in the end. Whoever you choose to enter your heart will come out and destroy, partially or completely, no matter who it is. Whether it be a friend, a parent or a lover, they will destroy you, at least, that’s what I learned.

Throughout my life of growing up, the outcome has always been the same. And even now I’m struggling, and wondering why I exist, what is there to live for, or for whom am I wasting this life? As they say, when one dies, many come alive. Why can’t I let my soul go to give a chance to many others? Others with more ambition, with more purpose, others who could make the world smile without giving up their own as I have..

It’s a lonely world, and despite the people surrounding me, I feel alone. And I always have. Even if I’ve given my heart away, sometimes I wonder what was the purpose, if I’m unable to feel anything back. Not because it’s not there, because it really is, but simply because I can’t feel anything right.. Because all I keep is pain and nothing more, and it’s all I can remember, because I’ve learned to grow this way.

I want these tears to wipe away, but even after death, will they remain? I need someone to come up to me and give me a hug for no reason. Someone to smile my way because they think I’m beautiful, or someone to give me a hand and pick me up, simply because they feel like it.

I wish you were here, but you’re not. Not by choice, because you have none, but do I deserve you anyway? I always thought you were out of my league and you probably are. You deserve much better. Everyone does. I just wish it was that simple to erase my existence.

I can’t believe it.

So, as much as any other Muse fan, their tour for the Resistance has been well-awaited. I’ve been dying, amongst others, for them to return to Montreal (when was the last time they did? when I was considered a child, yes?) And finally they’re back. They will be playing at the Bell Center on March 10th, 2010, and I couldn’t be more excited except.. the bell center is big. There is a lot of floor space but you have to be quick in order to be “part” of that space. Apparently I wasn’t quick enough. All those that didn’t have access to the fan website presale, or who did not access it before the end of December 14th could end up in one of those thousands of shitty seats the Bell Center holds, and I did not want to end up there.

Like everyone else who failed, decided to try out my luck this Saturday, December 19th, when the tickets would officially go on sale. I’d have to be quick though, if not, I’d for sure end up in the Blues, at the back of all the seats.The fan tickets were sold out almost immediately. Muse is pretty popular here in Montreal. As the news spread of their coming, people went wild, and I couldn’t think of anything else. It was awkwardly resembling the feeling I got when I heard the news of Blink 182’s return.

Well guess who got lucky. I so happened to be checking my email this morning, and I received a link to the Bell Center’s presale. I double-checked and couldn’t believe my eyes. Today they held another presale for members of Geg.ca. And me being one of them, was able to perfectly purchase two tickets for Muse… on the floor.

I am a happy child. And I have about three months to relearn the old songs, and know the new ones more than perfectly. Oh happy day!

Oh no, she didn’t.

Yes, she did.

The hair, that is. It’s different. It’s done. It’s cut. It’s soooo asian. Now people will actually see the other side of me. The Philippino side. Because that’s part of who I am. It’s not bad. it’s going to take some getting used to. I feel like I’m wearing a wig because I never had my hair cut this way before. And I did it myself. And the red is gone, all gone. It’s weird. It’s not normal. It’s not me. Or is it? It’s driving me mad. I’m adjusting. Trying to, at least. Whoa, what did I do. I’m taking small breaths now. I’m okay. I’ll be fine.

Take a break from the winter break?

I hate this time of the year. The so-called jolly time, happy time, long awaited time of the year, as if! Am I the only one who can’t stand the gifts, who can’t stand the time spent away from school, the time spent working your ass off for a small amount of change? As much as I wanted school to end, I did not want to get to this. Of course, every year, we have to go through with it, and sometimes it’s great for most of us… and sometimes it’s not. I still have a Photoshop project to hand in on Monday, so although I’ve officially been on vacation since yesterday at 6:00 pm, I’m still working (or trying to work) on an assignment. It’s not something I’d like to do, then again, I got other things to worry about.

Yesterday there was a snowstorm. I loved looking at it, but I hated being in it and walking in it, especially with my flats on (I accidentally spilled black paint on my sister’s shoes and had to wash them off). Snow is somewhat pretty, if you really begin to think of it. You have no idea of how much I’d like to play in that snow, to run in it and fall i n it, and make snow angels, snow balls and snow forts like the old days, but it’s too cold. And I’m too concerned about m y looks and my reputation to put on oone of those nasty-looking snowsuits, snowpants included. Why does this matter so much? As a child, we did not care of the others thoughts. Only ours mattered. What entered our innocent brains so we could turn out like this?

And does any of this matter? All I have on my m ind right now, is that I don’t wanna go to work and how the hell am I going to finish this stupid project if my Photoshop doesn’t work anymore?

And should we even care about the snow? or anything else? I can’t stand being locke din this house for any longer.. In all honesty, I’m beginning to hate it here, as if I haven’t before..

Almost there.

Just three days. I could count them at the tip of my fingers. Not five, not four, but three. Three last days, from dawn to dark shadows, as the wind continues to blow and snowflakes become raindrops again. Not much time, then again, we got all the time we need. Enough time to sit back and forget. Finally, we will be able to relax, at least, that’s what we all hope. I’ve been eagerly awaiting this day since the beginning of it all, and here we are.

Just three days, then we could be together whenever we want.